Funny Physics

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When a third grader was asked to cite Newton's first law,

she said, "Bodies in motion remain in motion, and bodies at rest stay in bed unless their mothers call them to get up."

Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms

Two atoms were walking across a road when one of them said, "I think I lost an electron!" "Really!" the other replied, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I 'm absolutely positive."

SUBATOMIC PARTICLE STORE

The subatomic particle store had a sale last week.

Electrons: $0.10

Protons: $0.10

Neutrons : free of charge

Q: Which right-hand rule do students use on bad physics professors?
A: Step 1: Extend your right arm forward from the elbow. Step 2: Keeping your palm facing to the left, stick out your middle finger. Step 3: Rotate your hand 90 degrees clockwise.

Murphy's Ten Laws for String Theorists:

(1) If you fix a mistake in a mathematical superstring calculation, another one will show up somewhere else.

(2) If your results are based on the work of others, then one such work will turn out to be wrong.

(3) The longer your article, the more likely your computer hard disk drive will fail while you are typing the references.

(4) The better your research result, the more likely it will be rejected by the referee of a journal; on the other hand, if your work is wrong but not obviously so, it will be accepted for publication right away.

(5) If a result seems to good to be true, it is unless you are one of the top ten string theorists in the world. (By the way, these theorists refer to their results as "string miracles".)

(6) Your most startling string-theoretic theorem will turn out to be valid in only two spatial dimensions or less.

(7) When giving a string seminar, nobody will follow anything you say after the first minute, but, if miraculously someone does, then that person will point out a flaw in your reasoning half-way through your talk and what will be worse is that your grant review officer will happen to be in the audience.

(8) For years, nobody will ever notice the fudge factors in your calculations, but when you come up for tenure they will surface like fish being tossed fresh breadcrumbs.

(9) If you are a graduate student working on string theory, then the field will be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.; Even worse, if you start over with a new thesis topic, the new field will also be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.

(10) If you discover an interesting string model, then it will predict at least one low-energy, observable particle not seen in Nature.

The Heineken Uncertainty Principle says "You can never be sure how many beers you had last night."

Q: What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class?
A: Quark, quark, quark!

A student riding in a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited he asks, "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"

More later….